^^

she today find me first^^
i feel happy that she find me^^

hehe^
well

i just told her that
i've giving her abit secure and tell her
how stupid i am~

she din't say anything back to me about that

but i kinda feel her answer is
that~

i am stupid~~~

well girl~~

i am stupid~~
stupid for you only~~

for you~~
i leave behine every thing~

just only for you~~~

you said you want time to recover from your pain~~

i give you time~~
and i will take my time~~

to built that confidence for chasing you~~
i will never give up~~

never will~~~

until you break my bones and make fall again~~

and that's when i really leave you and
be your friend~

i hope that you will see this blog~~~
i really hope it will become true~~

nothing special

this few days~~~
i sometime feel sad~~
some time sad~~
don't know why~~
is this what they call emo?

i don't know~
just feel very annoyed~

job stress?
impossible~~
i don't even have a job~~

studies?
maybe~~~~~


but what is it actually?



i really want to know~~

hmm~~

The time now is 00.32
which is Wedness day~~

2 days already~
i've been go and back from funeral parlour
because my uncle had pass away on monday morning~~
i dint went to class that day~~

i ask my friend to help to tell my lecturer~
for not attending class that day~

i am going to ask for another holiday for tomorrow
later i am going to take the form from my collage's admins


that day~~~
the first person i want to share it was "she"

i even called her wake up that day~~
i think she is mad for waking her her so early~

feel bad about it~

sorry girl~~
i just wanted you to gain back that confidence~
if i may~~


i'll be keep waiting for her~~

no matter how much it cost~

this few days....
i just want her to be my side...
no other people~~

just only her~~

only you girl~

well~~

its her i've been thinking lately~
i jst feel her around~~
eventhought she is not in kk~~
but i can feel her presents every where~~

maybe is because i promise her to bring her to some of that places~~
then i feel the felling she is there~

last few days~~
she finally keep a sentence from me~
"i will wait until you are in the mood of loving"

i don't care how long it takes~~
i don't care any obstacle is in front of me...
i will fight with the time~~
i will tackle down the obstacle~~~

where there is a will , there is a way~~
i wish i don't break this relationship again~~~

my heart will go on for you~~~
and i don't wanna lose a thing from you~~
with a pure heart~~
no black lies~

pure white with sincere~~~
word with fresh shed blood with promise attach~~

i won't spill my blood for other girls~~~
but only for you~~~~


my love~

these few days

these few days...
i met a girl~
i have add her for a long in facebook....
but i find her back~~

well...
the first time when i add her in face book~~~
i have started to like her....

until these few days....
get to know her more....

i am happy for all this now....
but in the same time....
i felt a sadness coming in~~~
i don't know why~~~

i just hope that she can give me chance...
even if we can't make it....

at least we ever try to get together~~~
i know this may make her feel too fast...

but its been a while~~~
just that time i don't have the courage to say it~

and now i have said it...
hopefully it will became into reality~~

think back

with blink of eye~~~
it have been passed 20 years~~~
time is so fast~~
and now i am 21 years old~~~

think back all the memories~~
it makes you
sad
happy
angry
make you think that it is stupid~~

memories should not have been forgotten~
but to keep it~~
you can learn things from it~~

i still remember when i was kid~~
my dad came back from doing work~~
i used to wait for him at the door~~
waiting for him to return back home~

in primary school~~
often to get some things from my dad~~
what i ask for~~
shall be granted~~

secondary school~~
got in to a fight when i was 13~~
my dad din't blame me for fighting~~
he just stare at me~~
with eye that you can't explain with words~~

social life year~
got a first job ever~~
work as a newbie in car accessories
got a fair pay~~~
gave my dad rm100 that time~~
and my mum Rm100
left quite a low sum for my own use~~~

few years passed
found a girl i like~~
but end in a undefined way~~
became a drinker
smoker
hot tempered~~

collage life~~
learn the meaning of life~~
building a future for my own~~
live life in a happy way~~

all these thing that happen through my life
i will keep them as a memory~~
does'nt care if its good or bad~~~
i just keep it~~
for the rest of my life~~

time to time~

time to time~
we pass by our daily life by doing own things
do what is important to us..
or maybe important to someone...

we always say that~~
"we don't have much time left"

think it back~~
if you are using your time to do on some thing that is important to you
will you say it is not enough time?
for sure you say no...
because that your time~~
but
did you ever think of other people's time?


we all have enough time
just that you need to know how to arrange your time~

people's say~~
life is short
but how short it is?

enjoy life to the fullest
what is the limit to the fullest?

we all can live the way we wanted~
depend on yourself~~~
goes by time to time~~~

do something right at the right time makes perfect~~
don't get confuse by the surroundings
do it before its too late to take it back~~
cherish the time you have now~~~
do the right decision
make the right move~~
then




by that time~~~



enjoy and live to the fullest of your life~~~~
and life won't be short~~~

feelings

i don't know what's happening to me right now
but i just feel like crying~

its a shame huh~~
for a big guy like me to cry

i just don't know what happened to me this few days
am i becoming weaker?
am i being piss off?
i don't know

this feeling i try to tell every one~
but i just can't open my mouth~

may i am over stress~
or maybe for some reason that i don't know~
but why does this feeling is keep within me?
why can't i share it out~?
why?

i just really wish that someone can be by my side now~
even for just 5 minutes~~~~






never the less
i am a crap ~
rubbish~
useless guy~~~
nothing special~

it is possible?

is it possible?
to be rich~
to be famous
to be loved

all that is possible~
but the hardest to archive is
to be loved~
why?

when you became rich~
you will have the things you wanted~

when you became famous~
you will be known by everyone~

when you are being love~~
they all love you because you are famous of wealth~

the truth love that you seek won't be found
because~
what they love is your money and fame~~
so they can go act as a fame people~
the fact is~
they are using the name of ~~
"Fame And Wealthy"
but~
do you think they really love you?

No....
they don't
they love you~
love your money
love you because you are famous and well known

if~~
one day~
your Fame and Wealth is gone~~
you try to ask them~
"do you love me?"

a simple answer will do the job~
"no~~because you are broke and being pissed off"

that's the reality of materialistic

its better to be rich and fame at~~
"Rich in knowledge"
"Famous for kindness"
when the time comes
the true that you are seeking for~~


will jump out and show itself~~
Right infront of you~
that is what you will get~~

love~~
is just a feeling~
you can force some feelings~
like~
being mad~
being sad~
being happy~


but~
the feeling of being loved~
or falling in love~~
is hard for you to pretend~

you show yourself in lack of love~
but it doesn't work~~
why?

people will not like that feeling
it feels like you are some how begging for love~
begging for love~
won't do any good to you and other~
its better for you let the feeling come by itself~~
no force needed~
just give it time~~
eventually
LOVE WILL COME AND FIND YOU~~

we often to hear~~
that family is the heart of a perfect house
but one the family is broken~~
house collapse~
family~~

its fun have little brother's to play with~~
little sister's to care with~~
older brother to chat with~~
older sister to help on studies with~~~

every one say "the only child"
is the best~~
but if you look from the only child eyes~~
you will see a different world~~
no brother's
no sister's
all alone~~
with only parents to be with~~
what they want?
A true family..
with brother's and sister's~
so they can feel the true felling of a family~
the only can depend on future~~

depend on~
friends
soul mate~
maybe husband/wife
but...
is that enough?
if they don't have much friends
who they will depend on?
soul mate~
are they lucky enough to have one?
husband/wife
what if they din 't get the chance to get married?

to whom they depend on?
"Depend on them self"

what he/she request~~
won't be hard to archive~
step by step~
work independent~~
someday it will turn out~~~
he is the best~



how do i know this feeling?
because i am "the only child"

hmmmm

the least i expect for this week~
is quite boring~~
but any way~~
this few days i feel emo~~~
dunno why
maybe is because of last time break up?
or because of my destiny?
i always feel that
eventhough i got friends....
it does make me kinda important~~
i feel like i am a fool~~
used by friends....
got things then find me~~
if none~~
kick me to the side~
i don't request much~~
i just need some friends to talk with~~
if its because of my looks~~~
i am sorry~~
i am not that good looking....
do you have to be rich?
do you have to be handsome?
do you have to have the style?
all that doesn't matter~~~
what REALLY matters is~~~
the pure heart~~
your are rich~
you are handsome~
you got the style~~
but do you have a pure heart?
a person is ugly....
doesn't mean he don't have money~
not handsome~~
don't have style~~~
but what he got is PURE true heart~~
that what is needed to be with~~~
money and fame~~~
you earn it long enough~~
but once your fame is broken~
your whole lifetime is ruined
money and fame~
earn it in 5 years time~~
but you only need 5 minutes to ruin it~~
so~~
i hope for a better person~~
i don't want her to be cute~
pretty...
sexy~~
i want is pure heart~
that's all~~
i don't mind that she don't know how to cook dinner~
i can cook for her if she wants~~
i don't care that she don't know how to clean the house~~
i can clean it for her~~
as long she is true to me~~
and i am satisfied~~~
that's all i want~~~~

hmmmm

hmm...
its been a while since the last time i post a blog here~
well...
this blog mainly is just about my past few days and weeks~~~
ntg special actually
was happy that i get the study japanese this semester....
these few days~~
i've been thinkin
why most of the girls that i know~~
dont really wanna care about me?
is it because of my look?
or is it because i dont have the money?
looks and money is just materials.....
what is important.....
is that how i treat a person~~~

its my b'day.......

my b'day jst past 2 days ago.....
at first i was happy about it.....
but when i think that none of my friends would try to help me celebrate b'day....
i went to sad mood....
haiz....
friday......
9/04/10.....
the call me out for a movie....
and i said "sure,no prob"
got dress.....
and went out.....
after the movies....
my friends say got frenz cafe to have some drinks and chit chat.....
coz about 1 month already dint go out with them.....
since everyone is buzy.....
we sat down,
had our drink and chit chat all night long.....
of all the sudden....
the cafe turn off their lights......
i was like.....
OMG~~~~!!
i was surprised that the shop owner sang a b'day song to me....
and there it was~~~
a cake coming out from the cafe^^
MY GOD.....
my friends planned a surprise party for me......
so happy at that momment.....^^
well....
we had fun that day^^
saturday........(the BIG day)
10/4/10
its my big day^^
although i celebrate like normal b'day
i was happy^^
to see the happy faces my friends put on^^
they happy....
and i am happy^^
i dont wish for presents now.....
i only wish for happiness.....
that 2 days sure make me happy^^
thanx to my secondary friends....
collage friends....
and facebook friends^^
THANX YOU ALL^^
i really apriciate that^^

what to do now~~~~~

what to do now~~~????
if i wanna fix my psp.......
i need to pay at least rm 400++
die for sure><
who can help me?><

haiz......

Normal saturday.....
i never though as i am growing bigger and getting matured......
i still get to "masuk penjara" in my own house><
haiz......
damn boring lah......
wish that some-one can help me escape@@
these few days.....
i am quite emotional.....
ppl make me feel pissed off.....
i will show a very very "dark" face in jst like 5 mins@@
wooot~~~~~
haiz....
any ways.....
do as usual.....
sleep in the afternoon.....
and be an night owl at night^^
XD

it takes.......

"It take 3 second to say i love you....
it takes 3 hours to explain it.....
and a life time to prove it......"

words can be said by mouth.....
word does'nt mean any thing without actions......
if you dare to say that word......
dare to do it......
cause once you said it......
you must do it.......

cherish the people around you

cherish the people around you.....
don't ever let them fail....
they tend to give so much care and time for you......
don't waste it....
"although you are not by my side now,
but i still love you. the time we shared,
the joy we've been through, i wont forget it....
it will stay remain in my sweet memories...
i cherish you with all my life and love....
but in the end...
you treat me nothing like a piece of rubbish...
why did i cherish you for?
the reason why i cherish you......
its because that i love you..
i won't hope that this love will last long...
but i wish it ends with sweet memories...
although you got a boy friend now....
i' ll use my purest heart to bless you and your new boy friend......
wish you always be happy......"

why?

why?
why does this always have to be so?
can't i get a good person for once?
just once...
for only once...
imagine that you always get hurt by the same things.....
the felling that hurts inside......
its feels like the spirit is drifted away....
the feeling will last long inside you.....
making you feel like you are lost in noway......
no direction for you to go......
a land with no place to stay......
feel darkness all the time.........
the loneliness stays with you for a long period.....
till the day you found back your happiness......
you will be old enough to relax and enjoy the rest of your life........

life of evan

its real sad when you notice that you are only lonely.....
the time you need friends.....
they tend to ignore you.....
its like you are invisable to them......
when they need you.....
then they will find you like ants looking for sugar......
this feeling really hurts alot....
the feeling will last long within me......