nothing special just feelings

This few days~
don't why mood will suddenly change
sometime happy~sometime sad
ans sometime angry~
don't why~~
mood disorder?

haiz~

most of my class in collage almost finish
waiting for exam
study sure got study a bit.

i feel like giving up study
and straight go work~

working on my Altec Lancing speakers
XD
with LEDs~~^^

quite nice^^
the only prob now is that
how to make in line?@@"
all tangled up~~><
a bit lazy to clean it@@"

wanted to buy a circuit board for the LED's
but~~
lazy to work on it~~
><



suddenly think back my Ex-girl friend~~
may wong
that i used to love and treasure before

although it was a short period of love~
1 1/2 years~~

it meant alot to me
the time when i cooked for her
buy medicine for her when she is sick
make the presents for her 17 year old birthday
i can't stop think about it

is this the reason why i can't afford to have a girl friend now?
its like~
i lost all my confidence to fall in love~
its not like i don't any girls
but..
when i like them
i like them as a friend~
it can be more than that
but i couldn't reach to that limit
its like something is blocking me
lack of confidence
4 years
for 4 years~
i've been lonely
except for friends and family~
i am lonely to myself~
i wish i could have someone with me now
sometimes
when i crawl up to my bed
i'll fall in tears

think back those memories
will drop me into a deep sea of tears

29/7/11

Today~~
dunno how to say~~
tired~
boring~
feel like dying~~~
just don't have mood~~
play com also no mood~~~
eat dinner also no mood><
whats wrong? WHATS WRONG?!




no friends ask me to go out today~
suppose to be that today go out for a drink or 2~
but no one called me~~
guess that no one come just now~~~
oh well~~~



SLEEP~~~~~><

yet another day pass~

well
lately i haven been what i used to be~
happy~
playful~
full of joy~~
i just dunno whats up with me~~
damn i hate this feeling~
not a even a single friend that is good enough to listen to my story~
is it really that hard to find a good friend to talk to?
i wish i was dead sometimes~
who cares?

birthday~~~

this year's birthday
its not like what should a birthday party should be

this year's party
just a simple friends gather around
at a cafe shop
chit-chatting
drinks
cakes


its not that glamorous
its not like i never have party before

all looks so simple
but in my eyes and heart


these friends is worth to keep

Christ
Christy
Ken
Jack Ya Zhe
Wei Chen
Lily Xiao Mei
Sherly Xiao Yee
Charmaine
Tony
Sharon
Brian Gan
Charlotte
Catherine Sing Sing
Alvin Yap
Moses Yee









the last is


Xiao Ching
the one i like








Thanks for you guys
you all made my day happy~~

Xiao Ching~
although you aren't here

i wish you will be~~

Right here by my side~

Love is a temporary madness.

It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides.

And when it subsides you have to make a decision.

You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.

Because this is what love is.

Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion.
That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found



that~~



we were one tree and not two

its been a while again~~~
march is going soon
and april is coming soon~~
a month that i should be happy...


i hope that she will come say happy birthday to me~~
and i hope she is the first 1 to say so~~
haiz~~

i really hope that its going to come true




class started few months already.....
although this is my last semester study...
fell like wanna let pass by fast...
but then again~
i want the time to go slow....




feeling inside me i can't say....
happy?
sad?
anger?
i don't know~
i really don't know


i just myself very useless

another useless crap that you can see through out the streets~~~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIt6KCwlFPw

^^

she today find me first^^
i feel happy that she find me^^

hehe^
well

i just told her that
i've giving her abit secure and tell her
how stupid i am~

she din't say anything back to me about that

but i kinda feel her answer is
that~

i am stupid~~~

well girl~~

i am stupid~~
stupid for you only~~

for you~~
i leave behine every thing~

just only for you~~~

you said you want time to recover from your pain~~

i give you time~~
and i will take my time~~

to built that confidence for chasing you~~
i will never give up~~

never will~~~

until you break my bones and make fall again~~

and that's when i really leave you and
be your friend~

i hope that you will see this blog~~~
i really hope it will become true~~

nothing special

this few days~~~
i sometime feel sad~~
some time sad~~
don't know why~~
is this what they call emo?

i don't know~
just feel very annoyed~

job stress?
impossible~~
i don't even have a job~~

studies?
maybe~~~~~


but what is it actually?



i really want to know~~

hmm~~

The time now is 00.32
which is Wedness day~~

2 days already~
i've been go and back from funeral parlour
because my uncle had pass away on monday morning~~
i dint went to class that day~~

i ask my friend to help to tell my lecturer~
for not attending class that day~

i am going to ask for another holiday for tomorrow
later i am going to take the form from my collage's admins


that day~~~
the first person i want to share it was "she"

i even called her wake up that day~~
i think she is mad for waking her her so early~

feel bad about it~

sorry girl~~
i just wanted you to gain back that confidence~
if i may~~


i'll be keep waiting for her~~

no matter how much it cost~

this few days....
i just want her to be my side...
no other people~~

just only her~~

only you girl~

well~~

its her i've been thinking lately~
i jst feel her around~~
eventhought she is not in kk~~
but i can feel her presents every where~~

maybe is because i promise her to bring her to some of that places~~
then i feel the felling she is there~

last few days~~
she finally keep a sentence from me~
"i will wait until you are in the mood of loving"

i don't care how long it takes~~
i don't care any obstacle is in front of me...
i will fight with the time~~
i will tackle down the obstacle~~~

where there is a will , there is a way~~
i wish i don't break this relationship again~~~

my heart will go on for you~~~
and i don't wanna lose a thing from you~~
with a pure heart~~
no black lies~

pure white with sincere~~~
word with fresh shed blood with promise attach~~

i won't spill my blood for other girls~~~
but only for you~~~~


my love~

these few days

these few days...
i met a girl~
i have add her for a long in facebook....
but i find her back~~

well...
the first time when i add her in face book~~~
i have started to like her....

until these few days....
get to know her more....

i am happy for all this now....
but in the same time....
i felt a sadness coming in~~~
i don't know why~~~

i just hope that she can give me chance...
even if we can't make it....

at least we ever try to get together~~~
i know this may make her feel too fast...

but its been a while~~~
just that time i don't have the courage to say it~

and now i have said it...
hopefully it will became into reality~~

think back

with blink of eye~~~
it have been passed 20 years~~~
time is so fast~~
and now i am 21 years old~~~

think back all the memories~~
it makes you
sad
happy
angry
make you think that it is stupid~~

memories should not have been forgotten~
but to keep it~~
you can learn things from it~~

i still remember when i was kid~~
my dad came back from doing work~~
i used to wait for him at the door~~
waiting for him to return back home~

in primary school~~
often to get some things from my dad~~
what i ask for~~
shall be granted~~

secondary school~~
got in to a fight when i was 13~~
my dad din't blame me for fighting~~
he just stare at me~~
with eye that you can't explain with words~~

social life year~
got a first job ever~~
work as a newbie in car accessories
got a fair pay~~~
gave my dad rm100 that time~~
and my mum Rm100
left quite a low sum for my own use~~~

few years passed
found a girl i like~~
but end in a undefined way~~
became a drinker
smoker
hot tempered~~

collage life~~
learn the meaning of life~~
building a future for my own~~
live life in a happy way~~

all these thing that happen through my life
i will keep them as a memory~~
does'nt care if its good or bad~~~
i just keep it~~
for the rest of my life~~

time to time~

time to time~
we pass by our daily life by doing own things
do what is important to us..
or maybe important to someone...

we always say that~~
"we don't have much time left"

think it back~~
if you are using your time to do on some thing that is important to you
will you say it is not enough time?
for sure you say no...
because that your time~~
but
did you ever think of other people's time?


we all have enough time
just that you need to know how to arrange your time~

people's say~~
life is short
but how short it is?

enjoy life to the fullest
what is the limit to the fullest?

we all can live the way we wanted~
depend on yourself~~~
goes by time to time~~~

do something right at the right time makes perfect~~
don't get confuse by the surroundings
do it before its too late to take it back~~
cherish the time you have now~~~
do the right decision
make the right move~~
then




by that time~~~



enjoy and live to the fullest of your life~~~~
and life won't be short~~~

feelings

i don't know what's happening to me right now
but i just feel like crying~

its a shame huh~~
for a big guy like me to cry

i just don't know what happened to me this few days
am i becoming weaker?
am i being piss off?
i don't know

this feeling i try to tell every one~
but i just can't open my mouth~

may i am over stress~
or maybe for some reason that i don't know~
but why does this feeling is keep within me?
why can't i share it out~?
why?

i just really wish that someone can be by my side now~
even for just 5 minutes~~~~






never the less
i am a crap ~
rubbish~
useless guy~~~
nothing special~

it is possible?

is it possible?
to be rich~
to be famous
to be loved

all that is possible~
but the hardest to archive is
to be loved~
why?

when you became rich~
you will have the things you wanted~

when you became famous~
you will be known by everyone~

when you are being love~~
they all love you because you are famous of wealth~

the truth love that you seek won't be found
because~
what they love is your money and fame~~
so they can go act as a fame people~
the fact is~
they are using the name of ~~
"Fame And Wealthy"
but~
do you think they really love you?

No....
they don't
they love you~
love your money
love you because you are famous and well known

if~~
one day~
your Fame and Wealth is gone~~
you try to ask them~
"do you love me?"

a simple answer will do the job~
"no~~because you are broke and being pissed off"

that's the reality of materialistic

its better to be rich and fame at~~
"Rich in knowledge"
"Famous for kindness"
when the time comes
the true that you are seeking for~~


will jump out and show itself~~
Right infront of you~
that is what you will get~~

love~~
is just a feeling~
you can force some feelings~
like~
being mad~
being sad~
being happy~


but~
the feeling of being loved~
or falling in love~~
is hard for you to pretend~

you show yourself in lack of love~
but it doesn't work~~
why?

people will not like that feeling
it feels like you are some how begging for love~
begging for love~
won't do any good to you and other~
its better for you let the feeling come by itself~~
no force needed~
just give it time~~
eventually
LOVE WILL COME AND FIND YOU~~

we often to hear~~
that family is the heart of a perfect house
but one the family is broken~~
house collapse~
family~~

its fun have little brother's to play with~~
little sister's to care with~~
older brother to chat with~~
older sister to help on studies with~~~

every one say "the only child"
is the best~~
but if you look from the only child eyes~~
you will see a different world~~
no brother's
no sister's
all alone~~
with only parents to be with~~
what they want?
A true family..
with brother's and sister's~
so they can feel the true felling of a family~
the only can depend on future~~

depend on~
friends
soul mate~
maybe husband/wife
but...
is that enough?
if they don't have much friends
who they will depend on?
soul mate~
are they lucky enough to have one?
husband/wife
what if they din 't get the chance to get married?

to whom they depend on?
"Depend on them self"

what he/she request~~
won't be hard to archive~
step by step~
work independent~~
someday it will turn out~~~
he is the best~



how do i know this feeling?
because i am "the only child"

hmmmm

the least i expect for this week~
is quite boring~~
but any way~~
this few days i feel emo~~~
dunno why
maybe is because of last time break up?
or because of my destiny?
i always feel that
eventhough i got friends....
it does make me kinda important~~
i feel like i am a fool~~
used by friends....
got things then find me~~
if none~~
kick me to the side~
i don't request much~~
i just need some friends to talk with~~
if its because of my looks~~~
i am sorry~~
i am not that good looking....
do you have to be rich?
do you have to be handsome?
do you have to have the style?
all that doesn't matter~~~
what REALLY matters is~~~
the pure heart~~
your are rich~
you are handsome~
you got the style~~
but do you have a pure heart?
a person is ugly....
doesn't mean he don't have money~
not handsome~~
don't have style~~~
but what he got is PURE true heart~~
that what is needed to be with~~~
money and fame~~~
you earn it long enough~~
but once your fame is broken~
your whole lifetime is ruined
money and fame~
earn it in 5 years time~~
but you only need 5 minutes to ruin it~~
so~~
i hope for a better person~~
i don't want her to be cute~
pretty...
sexy~~
i want is pure heart~
that's all~~
i don't mind that she don't know how to cook dinner~
i can cook for her if she wants~~
i don't care that she don't know how to clean the house~~
i can clean it for her~~
as long she is true to me~~
and i am satisfied~~~
that's all i want~~~~

hmmmm

hmm...
its been a while since the last time i post a blog here~
well...
this blog mainly is just about my past few days and weeks~~~
ntg special actually
was happy that i get the study japanese this semester....
these few days~~
i've been thinkin
why most of the girls that i know~~
dont really wanna care about me?
is it because of my look?
or is it because i dont have the money?
looks and money is just materials.....
what is important.....
is that how i treat a person~~~

its my b'day.......

my b'day jst past 2 days ago.....
at first i was happy about it.....
but when i think that none of my friends would try to help me celebrate b'day....
i went to sad mood....
haiz....
friday......
9/04/10.....
the call me out for a movie....
and i said "sure,no prob"
got dress.....
and went out.....
after the movies....
my friends say got frenz cafe to have some drinks and chit chat.....
coz about 1 month already dint go out with them.....
since everyone is buzy.....
we sat down,
had our drink and chit chat all night long.....
of all the sudden....
the cafe turn off their lights......
i was like.....
OMG~~~~!!
i was surprised that the shop owner sang a b'day song to me....
and there it was~~~
a cake coming out from the cafe^^
MY GOD.....
my friends planned a surprise party for me......
so happy at that momment.....^^
well....
we had fun that day^^
saturday........(the BIG day)
10/4/10
its my big day^^
although i celebrate like normal b'day
i was happy^^
to see the happy faces my friends put on^^
they happy....
and i am happy^^
i dont wish for presents now.....
i only wish for happiness.....
that 2 days sure make me happy^^
thanx to my secondary friends....
collage friends....
and facebook friends^^
THANX YOU ALL^^
i really apriciate that^^

what to do now~~~~~

what to do now~~~????
if i wanna fix my psp.......
i need to pay at least rm 400++
die for sure><
who can help me?><